In my work as a divorce attorney (and now as a coach), I see how much a woman’s “tribe” can make or break her.
Would she be the woman who was surrounded by well-intentioned friends, telling her to “take him for everything he is worth?” “That he is no good.” “That he MUST be a [insert personality disorder of choice here.]”.
Is her tribe so intent on the new drama of the situation that they end up feeding her snippets of the things she thinks she needs to hear at that moment, but it turns out those snippets only fuel her fire of needing outside validation and, in turn, cause her more harm than good? Does that (well-meaning) tribe keep her stagnant and melancholy instead of allowing her to accept her part, start to heal, and become strong? Do they set her up with unrealistic expectations of what she can get from the divorce process, and thus, she feels like a “loser” once it is all said and done? Are these friends like Skittles? Yummy tidbits that feel good as you eat them, but then the inevitable crash comes shortly after that?
Or – should this woman start thinking about the people she is discussing her divorce with?
Should she mindfully audit the conversations that serve her instead of the ones that only make her feel good for that short while?
Should she guard her time, brain, and mouth, and before she picks up the telephone to confide in a close friend, should she think, “how will the conversation with this person best serve me? “How will it affect my mindset? Will this get me closer to my best self?”
To this woman, I strongly encourage her to think about her “top 5.” If you aren’t familiar with Jim Rohn’s quote, it is “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
I encourage this woman to think about the woman she wants to be “on the other side” of this. To think about a role model of someone she respects. Someone who holds their head high with dignity, pride, love, hope, forgiveness, and a certain alive-ness that they knew was missing during her marriage. I encourage her to find those women, to immerse herself in their mindset and energy. I encourage her not to let herself bathe in the tribe of self-pity and righteousness that the first tribe has to offer.
I know this is hard. I know it is easier said than done. Sometimes, a woman needs to vent and get it out. I get it. I just ask that this not be your norm. I ask that you don’t stop there.
But if this is you, do a self-audit. Ask yourself how much this vent session is serving you? Is it making it all better or worse? Are you growing?
Do you have someone helping you along? Are you looking for a new tribe or a new person to have in your corner? This might be me. I have represented countless women going through a divorce.
As a coach, I will hold your hand with an eye on the future. I will not allow you to feel sorry for yourself. If you are curious to see what this is all about, I invite you to book a discovery call with me: CLICK HERE!